Draco Malfoy and the Lacklustre Love
by Hyoxjnn
Summary: One-Shot: DracoxHermione pairings? I've never HEARD of anything so absurd. [Twelve Shots of Summer]


**Week 2 of the **_**Twelve Shots of Summer**_**  
Mission Mail: Compose a story on the theme of 'Romance Most Contrived', fail and face...  
... Nothing, because you know what?  
Who-, who w-, who wants to write a story with the word 'romance' in it?  
Nobody.**

**Really, I mean...**

**Egh.**

* * *

**... Apparently, there are...**

**... Um...  
*Cough*  
... DracoxHermione shippers out there, (referred to by my friend as 'Dracomione'...?)**

**Here's my response XD**

**I hope you enjoy it, but be warned; the quality may decrease as you get to the end, much like my sanity did :)**

* * *

**Draco Malfoy and the Lacklustre Love**

Year One:

_Click_

_Click_

_Click_

A pale, white-haired boy, accompanied by a big, thickset boy and a stout, pug-faced boy, moved swiftly down a train compartment, carrying about himself an air of smugness and superiority as his glossy shoes' heels clicked against the wooden floor.

"Did you see the toad, Goyle?" The short one sniggered.

"Yeah, Crabbe... _Looong_-bottom lost it, heheh..." The taller one rumbled with a sound that was supposed to be laughter.

"Crabbe, Goyle, quiet," the pale boy ordered his companions, "we're here to see if Harry Potter is really on the train." Crabbe and Goyle quickly shut their mouths, seemingly pleasing the pale boy, "good," he acknowledged, apparently satisfied.

Draco Malfoy, the future prefect of the house of Slytherin, walked down the carriage, smirking cruelly.

* * *

"Ahhh...!" Goyle whimpered as he clutched his hand, which had been bitten by Ronald Weasley's pet rat Scabbers, "I can feel my skin peeling!" He bawled as the trio pulled out of Harry's partition, and retreated.

"I hear someone, let's-" Malfoy started to give the order to pull back to their compartment, then suddenly...

_Whoosh!_

Malfoy gasped in astonishment as he caught sight of a certain dirty-blonde girl, approaching him and his cohorts; time seemed to move in slow motion for Malfoy as the wind from an open window whipped her hair elegantly around her head; as she whipped her head back to clear her hair out of her face, Malfoy's knees weakened, and he knew that she... Hermione Granger... Was the one.  
Letting out a funny sort of sigh, Malfoy started to collapse to the ground in bliss... And then his true love entered Harry Potter's compartment.

"_GASP_." The arrow that had been shot through Malfoy's heart suddenly twisted and ripped his still-beating heart right out his chest; sinking to the ground in despair, Malfoy's mind burned with only one thought.

_It's not over yet...!_

* * *

"Granger, Hermione!" Professor McGonagall called out the next first-year to be sorted, and in response, Hermione eagerly dashed to the stool placed at the front of the Grand Hall and jammed the Sorting Hat on her head.

"_GRYFFINDOR!_" shouted the Hat. Malfoy groaned in angst.  
Upon his name being called, Malfoy made his way up to the stool, though with less swagger than usual.  
_GryffindorGryffindorGryffindorGryffindor..._ He repeated in his head over and over as the distance between him and the Hat shrank.  
_GryffindorGryffindorGryffindorGryffindor...  
_Malfoy sat upon the stool...  
_GryffindorGryffindor...!_  
And the Hat was lowered onto his head...  
_GryffindorGryffindorGRYFFINDORGRYFFINDOR!_

The Sorting Hat came into contact with Malfoy's slicked back hair and immediately screamed out his house.

"_SLYTHERIN!_"  
Malfoy's eyes welled up with tears as his lips pursed into an extreme sturgeon face, and he turned towards the Gryffindor table to see that Hermione was looking right at him.  
_Oh no...! Sh-She's looking right at me...!_ Malfoy panicked and practically sprinted over to the Slytherin table and sat down, avoiding her gaze for the next minute or so as his white cheeks flushed to, and maintained, a deep shade of pink.  
_I'm sorry, my love... Wait for me... We shall be together...!_

Malfoy's thoughts were interrupted when he realised that Harry Potter had been placed in Gryffindor.

"No...!" He gasped in horror; any potential suitor of Hermione Granger was a danger, and needed to be discouraged from pursuing her. Or killed.  
Or both.

* * *

Finally, Dumbledore stood before everyone in the Hall, and spread his arms out, (he appeared to be holding an iPhone; apparently he had become very interested on technology and online communities,) smiling as if to welcome everyone, and gave an insightful, thought-provoking analysis on the matter of Malfoy's love for Hermione.

"Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Lolkay thnx bai."

"_I SEE!_" Malfoy shouted out as he dramatically slammed the table, standing up as he did so, (everyone stared, before deciding to ignore him and applauding Dumbledore,) the feast soon began, but Malfoy couldn't even think about eating right now.  
_Thank you, Professor...!_ Malfoy internally thanked Dumbledore from the bottom of his heart.  
_I get it now...! I've been a nitwit, there's no use blubbering about this!_  
Malfoy raised his fork and forcefully stabbed through a piece of roast chicken, bringing it to his mouth, he thought about Dumbledore's message to him.  
_If there's some oddment that gets in the way of our love, my sweet Hermione... I'll simply have to tweak that...!_  
At that moment, Hermione happened to look over at Malfoy, and his world stopped.  
_... She... She heard me...!_ Malfoy's eyes widened slightly and his lower lip began to tremble as he choked out one word, "... Destiny...!"

_WHOOSH!_

Malfoy shot his left arm out, and strained to stretch it out as far as it would go, as if he could hold Hermione's perfect face in his hand; then, taking a slow, deliberate bite of chicken, Malfoy stared directly into Hermione's slightly disturbed eyes and clenched his hand shut.  
_I will seize it... Our future together...!_

* * *

"Look!" Malfoy yelled gleefully as he bent down to snatch Neville's Remembrall out of the grass, "it's that stupid thing Longbottom's gran sent him...!" He held it up, observing the sun's rays refracting through its glassy structure.

"Give that here, Malfoy..." Malfoy's head made an audible 'swish' as he whipped his head around to see who had said that.  
And he smirked.

"Harry... Potter..."  
_This is my chance._ Malfoy thought excitedly as he stole a glance at Hermione, he stared at her in an amazed stupor as he revelled in Hermione's beautiful, bushy hair; Harry, and everyone else's eyes moved uncertainly between Malfoy and Hermione in an awkward silence... And then Malfoy looked back at Harry and chuckled, "Why don't... We duel for it?" He proposed.

"... You what?" Harry said uncertainly, "for the Remembrall?"

"Exactly, for dear Hermione's hand- I MEAN... Yes... For the Remembrall, of course..."

* * *

"A Wizard's Duel, Potter!" Malfoy challenged Harry, not satisfied with the stalemate from earlier, "midnight in the trophy room; fail and face- ahh!" Malfoy's fierce expression suddenly broke as he noticed Hermione approaching.  
Shedding tears of shame, Malfoy fled, wailing an audible, "noooooooooo...!"

* * *

"_TROLL! IN THE DUNGEONS!_" Professor Quirell screamed, sprinting into the Hall, "... Thought you ought to know." He finished oddly calmly before fainting.

"Prefects," Dumbledore spoke in a deep, commanding voice, "lead your houses back to the dormitories immediately!"

"B-But, _sir!_" Malfoy protested loudly, "The Slytherin dormitory _is_ in the dungeons!"

"OMG, Malfoy; you act like I actually care!"

* * *

Harry entered a remarkable dive and rocketed towards the ground of the Quidditch field, he had clearly spotted something; Ron and Hermione were sitting together, unable to look away, when unexpectedly Malfoy forced his way in-between them, and sat down.

"H-Hey..." Malfoy stammered out awkwardly to Hermione, without looking at her, "M-... Mind if I Slytherin...?"

* * *

"I'm not going into the Forest." Malfoy vehemently insisted with a mortified look on his face. Hagrid rolled his eyes and proceeded to ignore him.

"Harry, Hermione, Neville, get over here-"

"Let's go...!" Malfoy beamed in a sing-song manner.

"Me, Harry, an' Hermione'll go one way, an' Draco, Neville, an' Fang'll go the other."

Sturgeon Face.

* * *

Year Two:

Malfoy kneeled down, examining some of the books for sale at Borgin and Burkes.

"Everyone thinks he's so great... Stupid Potter with his stupid scar, and stupid broomstick," Malfoy sulked to no one in particular, "my dear Hermione... How much longer must I wait...?" he sobbed, on the verge of tears.

He could swear that he heard a laugh from a nearby cabinet.

* * *

"Famous Harry Potter," Malfoy drawled, "can't even go into a _bookshop_ without making the front page."

"Leave him alone, he didn't want all that!" Ginny Weasley, quite unpredictably, cut in.

"Ooh, Potter, you've got yourself a girlfr-" Malfoy stopped upon catching sight of Hermione.  
_... Girlfriend..._  
A single tear rolled down Malfoy's cheek as he ran out of the store, cursing his single status.

* * *

"Good, aren't they?" Malfoy bragged smoothly about his team's Nimbus Two Thousand and Ones, "but perhaps the Gryffindor team will be able to raise some gold and get new brooms, too. You could raffle off those Cleansweep Fives; I expect a museum would bid for them." He finished smugly, trying to pose as manly as he possibly could in front of Hermione.  
_How was that, my darling...?_

"At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in," Hermione spat scathingly, "they got in on pure talent."

And many tears were shed that day.

* * *

"All right there, Scarhead?!" Malfoy jeered at Harry, watching the Bludger continuously assault him.  
_Watch me, my sweet..._ Malfoy looked straight at Hermione, praying that she could hear him.  
_I'll show you my own, 'pure talent'..._  
As Malfoy took a hand off of his broom to blow her a kiss, the remaining Bludger landed a beautiful hit on the back of his head.

* * *

_BANG!_

Harry's thrown firework exploded, sending a large amount of Swelling Solution into Malfoy's face; soon it began to bloat, and strongly resembled a balloon puppet version of a certain Italian plumber, only the balloons looked to be filled to the breaking point with water and starch, rather than air.

"_DON'T LOOK AT ME!_" Malfoy howled as big, fat tears streamed down his now unrecognizable face.  
_My darling... I'm sorry you had to see me like this...!_

And many tears were shed that day.

* * *

"Scared, Potter...?" muttered Malfoy, shaking the tingling feeling from Harry's Rictusempra off.

"You wish..." Harry whispered back.  
Malfoy readied his wand as he watched Gilderoy Lockhart cuff Harry merrily on the shoulder, shouting something encouraging; Lockhart stepped down, and gave an absurdly flamboyant look at Harry and Malfoy.

"Three... Two... One... _GO_!" He shouted.

Malfoy jabbed his wand forward, and quickly yelled out his spell.

"Orchideous!"

Light exploded out the end of his wand; Hermione watched, aghast, as a bouquet of flowers bloomed out from Malfoy's wand, in the shape of a love-heart.

Silence.

Malfoy dared to shoot a fleeting look in her direction, and his cheeks flushed a deep crimson upon seeing her face.  
_How's that Potter?_ He thought to himself, letting out an _extremely_ un-Malfoy-like giggle.

Somehow, the room that was already filled with absolute silence became even quieter.

* * *

Malfoy skipped cheerily down the corridor, and noticed Crabbe and Goyle being interrogated by Prefect Percy Weasley.  
_Perfect. I can show them my masterpiece...!_ He thought to himself,

"There you are," he sang as he danced past them, grabbing their wrists as he continued towards the Slytherin dormitory, "good day, Perce." He greeted the prefect.  
Percy looked equally outraged and bewildered.

"Y-You'll want to show a bit more respect to a school prefect!" he stammered, still shocked by what had just happened, "I don't like your attitude..!" He yelled at Malfoy, (already at least 100 metres away from him,) sounding somewhat desperate for respect.

Upon entering the common room, Malfoy excitedly for Crabbe and Goyle to sit down, as he ran off , "I'll just go get something..."  
Malfoy sprinted off to his trunk, and ran back about a minute later, clutching a piece of parchment in his hands.

"My new work!" He beamed, straightening the parchment in front of him with a 'snap', "It's for Valentine's Day!"

"Wot." Crabbe and Goyle said simultaneously, in the flattest tone imaginable.  
And then, Malfoy started to sing...

"_Her eyes are as brown as the blood in her veins,_" he warbled, entirely off-key, "_When we are wed, whatEVER shall I say?_" Goyle clutched his head between his hands, trying to stop up his ears as best he could, while Crabbe writhed in agony, and fell to the ground, beating his head against a table repeatedly, "_She's a Mudblood, that's fine: It's really sublime..._"  
At this point, the other Slytherins were evacuating the common room while screaming things like:

"_IT'S SLYTHERIN'S HEIR!_"

"_The mud never bothered me anyway...!_" Malfoy closed his eyes and belted out the last line, finishing spectacularly... Poorly.

"Well?!" Malfoy said impatiently as he opened his eyes, not realising that everyone else had already fled the area, "don't you think it's great?!"

The following silence was even greater than that of the Dueling Club's.

* * *

"I don't think Potter liked your valentine much!" Malfoy spitefully yelled at Ginny, who covered her face with her hands and ran away to her class, crying.

"Well, I don't think Hermione liked _your_ Valentine much, Malfoy!" Harry retorted.

And many tears were shed that day.

* * *

Year Three:

Impatient to see his beloved again, Malfoy stepped off of the Hogwarts Express and closed in on Harry.

"You _fainted_, Potter?" He laughed delightedly, "you actually _fainted_?! Hahaha!" He elbowed his way past, breaking off from his laughter momentarily to whi whisper into Hermione's ear as he passed, "hahahaha- _loveyou_- hahaha!"

This was going to be a good year.

* * *

_This is NOT turning out to be a good year...!_ Malfoy was frustrated at how easily Harry had ridden Buckbeak; he decided that he would have to show him up.

"This is _very_ easy," he drawled, carelessly patting the hippogriff's beak, "you're not dangerous at all, are you?" Malfoy said in a babyish voice, leaning in and putting his face right up against Buckbeak's "are you? _Are_ you...? Are-"

_Slash!_

Buckbeak raked his talons across Malfoy's cheek, sending him down onto the ground.

"_NO!_" Malfoy yelled, tears flooding out of his eyes, "_MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!_"

"Yer not beautiful!" said Hagrid, who'd gone very white.

* * *

"How is it, Draco?" Pansy Parkinson crooned, "does it hurt much?"  
Malfoy, who was busy staring at Hermione, mumbled.

"... Huh...? Oh, yeah... Sure."  
_My dear Hermione... I have once again shamed myself in front of you... I shall redeem myself...!_

Malfoy set his cauldron up as close to Hermione as he could, and called out to Professor Snape before the class started making a new potion.

"Sir!... Um, sir, I'll need help cutting up these daisy roots..." He trailed off, looking at Hermione's beautifully tangled hair, "... Because of my arm-"

"Weasley, cut up Malfoy's roots for him," said Snape without looking up.

Both Ron and Malfoy's expressions turned into twin sturgeon faces.

* * *

"Look at him blubber!" Malfoy laughed as Hagrid buried his face in his handkerchief; Buckbeak was due to be executed, "have you _ever_ seen anything quite as pathetic-"

"_Don't_ you _dare_ call Hagrid 'pathetic' you...!" Hermione stepped forward before Harry or Ron could, and pressed her wand against Malfoy's neck.  
Malfoy's eyes widened, and he became very still.

"Hermione!" Ron protested in bewilderment.

"He's not worth it...!" Harry attempted to dissuade her.  
No one moved as several seconds passed, and then Hermione, finally, slowly lowered her wand and began to turn awa as Malfoy stared at her in shock.

"... My sweet-"  
Hermione instantly whirled around and struck him square in the face with her fist, giving a sickening 'crunch' as Malfoy's nose broke.  
Malfoy fell flat on his back from the force of the punch.  
_She hit me...!_ Malfoy rejoiced as tears of joy slid out of his eyes, cupids cloaked in golden light danced around his face.  
_Thank you for this gift, God...! I will not give up!_

* * *

Year Four:

_Why here... Why now...?!_  
Explosions and lights filled the area where the Quidditch World Cup was being held not 10 minutes prior.  
Malfoy had just caught sight of his love, Hermione Granger, running for her life from a swarm of Death Eaters...  
Or at least, that's what he told himself.

Slightly exaggerated.

"Urgh... Tripped over a tree root," Ron grunted, standing back up.

"Well, with feet that size, hard not to," Malfoy couldn't help mocking Ron, but he told himself that this wasn't the time; there was a far greater priority right now.  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione all whipped around at the same time to see him standing behind them with a stern expression, arms folded, "hadn't you better be hurrying along, now? We can't have her spotted, now."

Hermione's eyes narrowed in utter bewilderment as she stared directly at Malfoy's expression to discern whether or not he was joking, (truthfully, from her first year at Hogwarts, she had thought that Malfoy's 'affections' towards her existed for the sole purpose of mocking her.)

"I'll hold them off..." Malfoy announced dramatically, drawing his wand as he nodded at Harry with the look of someone entrusting something precious to a respected rival, "... I'm counting on you... Harry."  
Harry gave Malfoy a confounded look, which Malfoy mistook for one of understanding, and reconciliation.

"Yes..." Malfoy muttered to himself, turning away from them, "maybe all this time... We've just misunderstood each other..." Malfoy turned his head back to give Hermione and her cohorts, flashing them a dazzling smile, "... For Granger." He whispered emotionally, almost silently... And then he was gone; charging towards the nearest Death Eater, about 500 metres away, screaming some sort of battlecry that sounded like 'This is Granger'.

"... What is _wrong_ with him?"

* * *

Malfoy was feeling extremely down; despite his valiant sacrifice at the World Cup, (he had broken a nail and fainted,) he was receiving significantly less chances to gaze upon Hermione Granger this year; the only thing that kept him going was the blissful memory of her fist sinking into his face, as well as her encouraging words at the Cup:  
"Be careful, Drakey... I l-love you..."  
Obviously imagined.

And now... he had been turned into a ferret.  
_... Survive...!_ Malfoy could only tell himself that as Professor 'Mad-Eye' Moody smacked his weak little furry form into the ground over and over; small tears welling out of his tiny little eyes.

_It's not over yet...!_

* * *

Year Five:

Malfoy's shoes clicked smartly on the varnished wooden floor as he made his way to the carriage where his true love, Hermione Granger, was waiting for him.  
_My sweet..._ Malfoy thought to himself as he thoughtfully fingered his Prefect's Badge.  
_I heard that you too have been made Prefect... We finally have an excuse to have... Ahem... 'Meetings'..._

_Clatter...!_

Malfoy slid the compartment door open, but before he could say anything...

"_What?_" Harry said aggressively.  
Malfoy's eyes widened slightly, and then relaxed again as he put on his usual arrogant smirk.

"Manners, Potter, or I'll have to give you a detention," Malfoy sniggered, "you see, I, unlike you, have been made a prefect."

"Yeah," said Harry, "but you, unlike me, are a git, so get out and leave us alone."

Harry's friends burst into laughter, and Malfoy's eyes watered upon seeing that Hermione had joined in.

"Tell me, how does it feel being second-best to Weasley, Potter?" he smiled, cruely; Ron had been chosen for Prefect over Harry.

"Shut up, Malfoy," said Hermione sharply.

And Malfoy cried all year.

* * *

Year Six:

"You go on," Malfoy told Pansy, who was waiting for him to leave the Hogwarts Express with her, "I need to... Ah... Check something."

"... Okay." Pansy shrugged her shoulders and left, leaving Malfoy alone in the compartment. Malfoy moved over to the compartment door and let down the blinds, so that people in the corridor beyond could not peer in. He then bent down over his trunk and opened it.  
_At last... A chance to practice in private...!_  
Malfoy pulled out a rolled-up sheet of parchment, and smartly straightened it out with a 'snap'.  
Somewhere nearby, an immense feeling of dread crept into Harry Potter's mind...

"_Her eyes are as brown-_"

"_NOOO!_" Harry, hidden under his Invisibility Cloak, was unable to stop himself from screaming.

"Wha- Who's there?! _Petrificus Totalus!_"

Malfoy's curse struck Harry, paralysing him, and causing him to fall heavily onto the ground in an awkward position.

"Heh," Malfoy chuckled to himself, "thought you'd steal my sonnet, did you, Potter?"

"... _Wut.'_" Harry managed to move his mouth slightly.

"Don't play stupid, Potter; we both know that only one of us may claim Lady Granger's hand..."

"... Arh yu med..."

"My song was good enough to make you scream; do you now see how thoroughly outclassed you are? Nothing you compose can ever overcome me."

"Yur un ediut."

* * *

"So let's discuss your options, Draco." A disarmed Albus Dumbledore said calmly.

"My _options?!_" Malfoy screamed in rage, ""I'm standing here with a wand, about to kill you... And then myself..."

"Why...?" Dumbledore asked.

"You... Your advice... Do you remember, back in my first year... Your advice has done nothing... _Nothing!_" a tear trickled down Malfoy's cheek as his lower lip trembled, "each year... I get further and further from my love... Granger... I cannot win her..." He sobbed.

"My dear boy, let us have no more pretense about that: You are no Casanova." Dumbledore chortled, "it's clear that you, quite simply, suck with the ladies, Draco."  
Upon hearing these words coming from Dumbledore's mouth, Malfoy's face resembled something akin to the 'D':' emoticon.

"B-... But-"

"My boy, you and Miss Granger go together as well as a grenade spamming n00b and a veteran hardscoper, which..." He chuckled, "... Is not very well. And another thing..." Dumbledore smiled mischievously, "that 'advice'? It was meaningless," (Malfoy's jaw dropped even further,) "I'm afraid that you've been trolled, Draco."

"_NOOOOOOOOOO!_"

* * *

Twenty Years Later

Autumn seemed to arrive early this year; September came, and with it, bringing with it a chilly wind that carried red-golden leaves through the air...

Draco Malfoy caught sight of Harry Potter in the company of Ronald Weasley and his wife, Hermione Weasley; he walked towards them, his shoes giving out that all-too-familiar clicking.

"Weasley... No, Ronald." He spoke stiffly; the three turned around, experiencing mixed emotions upon seeing Malfoy, "I apologize for everything... As I do to you as well, Harry," he looked at Harry briefly, "..." Malfoy stared at Ron as a long silence swept over them all, and then... He clapped his hands upon Ron's shoulders, (Ron's muscles in disturbed manner,) and let out a small 'heh' of approval, you take care of her, brother." Malfoy released Ron, and turned to Harry, "Harry... It looks like the better man won..." He smiled sadly, looking at Ron, "I suppose the most unlikely candidate can be the most unpredictable." He finished, giving Harry a light slap on the shoulder, (Harry mouthed something that looked like 'Are you actually mad',) "and Hermione... Dearest Hermione..." Malfoy stared longingly at her, "... It was never meant to be... I'm sorry." Malfoy brought his hand to his eyes to mask his tears while Hermione, eyes wide, slowly turned away with the expression of one who had given up on understanding.

"What about me?" Ginny Potter piped up from behind Harry.

"What _about_ you?" Malfoy said, completely indifferent.  
And with that... He left.  
Leaving everyone _completely_ and _utterly_ at a loss for words.

Draco Malfoy walked away from Platform 9¾, looking up at the sky.

"Someday I'll find it, Hermione... That rainbow connection... The lover, the dreamer... In me."

* * *

**Well... Yes...**

**I'm... No good at stories that even **_**involve**_** romance...**

**:P**

**But!**

**My colleagues, (that's actually slightly fallacious, an novice shouldn't be calling veterans 'colleagues',) **_**do**_**, so please check out the other **_**Twelve Shots of Summer**_** submissions for this week- and... Last week. If you haven't.  
It's relevant :D**

**Those will certainly be much better than this :P**

**Later!**

**(X Days - Chapter IV is **_**almost**_** done, **_**almost**_**, **_**plz hold out**_** XD)**


End file.
